My own draft & my colleagues draft

I've been thinking about my own draft for project three, and I have to tell you that I find it very difficult to describe my place. Because I am talking about a city, and not a specific small house, it is challenging. I have to decide which landmarks in the city are most important so I can describe them for my reader. I can't just choose random places; they need to be places in the city that matter. I want to take my reader visually to the city in which I am speaking about. I want him to feel the greatness of the city, so that he will want to go visit one day.

I am peer reviewing a colleagues draft on project three and my first reaction is that his paper clearly shows the different feelings he has about the golf course. He displays the beautiful feeling of nature as he steps on the golf course, but also the various obstacles and pressures he encounters along the way. I believe he needs to go into more detail about a specific part of golf, or a specific incident that would allow the reader to understand his conflicting feelings.

Coney Island of the Mind

This video displays how things are always going to change, but memories can be forever unaltered. For the man in the video, to keep your memories unchanged, you must have a "Coney Island of the mind." He recalls his childhood memories very clearly. He remembers the way the food smelt, and the different restaurant he used to eat at. He mentions how many of the restaurant have closed down, but it doesn't change much for him. His golden age will never be over; maybe he never wants to admit that his childhood is over. He emphasizes the importance of dreaming, if we ever want the real coney island to exist. He is dreading the day when Coney Island could vanish, because that is his childhood that would be disappearing right before his eyes. He keeps coming back to visit his hometown, because he has hope that it will return to its earlier state.

There are certainly negatives to Coney Island but those imperfections make it even more beautiful. No city or state is going to be perfect. The flaws of coney island make it real and humane. We don't live in a fairy tale world where everything can go right all the time. As much as I love living in Long Island, I don't enjoy every single thing about it. I can't stand the way people drive, or the service I get when I go to some restaurants. You have to take some and give some.

Home is like...

Home is like the sweetness of a Hershey's chocolate bar. There is nothing more delicious to me than the taste of Hershey's pure chocolate. I could eat it almost every day of my life, but occasionally I get sick of it and the chocolate becomes too sweet for me to keep eating. Majority of the time, home is great for me as I am extremely close with both my parents and sister. I could sit in the living room talking to them for hours upon hours, but there are those times where it simply becomes too much. My sister will make a comment that sets me off or my dad will yell at me for having a messy room. I will then need some time apart from my family. I will need to separate myself, just as I sometimes have to separate myself from chocolate. Too much of anything will drive you crazy; you need variety. Too much chocolate will make you hyper, and probably a bit nauseous. And I'm sure many people will agree that too much time at home will have you losing your mind.

Ink-shedding

When the book took over the the scroll, it was setting out to create something better and more effective. The creators of the book knew that individuals would find them easily accessible. If the book was not an overall better option than the scroll, people would not have accepted the remediation. They would have not been okay with scrolls becoming obsolete. The creators of the book knew how to appeal to the publics desires and needs. For example, print was created because the public needed a more efficient method of producing books. They were able to create the printing machine so that the aesthetic appearance was not completely different than what the public was previously accustomed to. But after a certain amount of time Johann Gutenbergs printing press wasn't the best invention out there anymore. The public became bored with the printing press and desired something even more technologically advanced. That is when the idea of digital text emerged. We now have the power to type a sentence within seconds or delete a paragraph with a single touch of a key. The possibilities are truly endless. Another great thing about digital text is that it is flawless. We see the machines as perfect, being as they are constantly meeting our every day needs. Because there is constantly new material being circulated on the internet, computers are allowing the freedom of continuous change. This continuous change and flexibility is one of the most essential aspects of electronic text.

Chapter 3, prezi #1

Their main argument is that electronic text enables us to create various paths to different locations. Once we put something on the internet, it will begin to circulate in any which way. We sometimes cannot control where it goes, which is why we must be careful in what we post. Back in the day, the type writer's structure was rigid and unable to be changed. We are now able to alter our writing and format on the computer to give it an aesthetic appearance. We can make one letter bigger than the next, or change the font of each paragraph. We can copy and paste within two seconds, or delete a paragraph within a blink of an eye. We don't need to sit and work hard at making sure something is completely gone, just as the man did when he was trying to rip up the phone book. The electronic text resembles a period because it was built from previous technologies and each part of the pyramid is battling against the next. Each part of the pyramid is like a stepping stone to the very top.

About Taylor Mali: what role does performance or writing space play in the making of meaning?

This poem differs greatly in its two recensions. The poem generally speaks about the way our society has changed to question almost everything we say in conversation. We find it cool to say the expressions "you know" and "like totally." We tend to sway away from declarative sentences and lean towards questionable statements. That being said, we are prone to end a lot of sentences with a question mark, rather than a period. In this poem, Mali emphasizes the way our generation uses these slang terms to become extremely inarticulate.  In the first recension, we watch Mali perform this poem using his facial expressions and hand gestures. We can watch his mouth move and listen to his voice as he recites the poem out loud to the audience. In the second recension, the poem is presented in a textual manner. It is displayed to us in a way that we must focus in on the words that are moving across the screen.

Orality has an abundance of privileges. Tone of voice is something that we may take for granted, but is nonetheless extremely important. As Mali recites his poem, he ends a lot of his sentences as though he was asking a question. It is both humorous and enthralling, while grabbing the audiences attention. Changing your tone even the slightest bit can add a great amount to your presentation. You are also inclined to connect with an oral performance because it is almost as if the person is talking right to you. You don't have to imagine the way they are speaking; it is simply handed to you. Although the textual writing space is unconventional, it does have its benefits. You can change the way you write, just as you change your tone of voice in an oral presentation. In the textual presentation of the poem, each word was carefully displayed in a certain font and size. You may not think something so trivial would matter to the reader, but subconsciously, you are more likely to pay attention when there is variety. Just as we don't enjoy listening to a monotone speaker, we don't like to read a strict form of writing. We see these different forms of words and begin to question why one word is bigger than the next. It may have a symbolic meaning or it may not, but that is something you must decode. Because the words moved across the page very quickly, you aren't able to read a few sentences and then go back to it a few minutes later. You must sit there and read it all it once.

Second Prezi on Chapter 2

Technology will always be in our life, whether we like it or not. When we think of writing, we generally think about a pen and a piece of paper. What we don't think about is that we also write in our minds while we do our daily thinking. Many say that technology has taken over our lives and can even outsmart us at times. It will certainly shock us with the remarkable things it can do. We also trust technology to a great extent. We get in our cars, plug in an address, and wait for our GPS to direct us. We clearly have faith in the system. But on the other hand, technology needs us as well. They can't do things on their own; humans are vital to the technological world. We must accept that all technology will eventually be replaced by newer technology. It is an inevitable occurrence that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

First Prezi on Chapter 2

Technology is all about incorporating "the old" with "the new". Although the design might alter slightly in "the new", some basic structure will always remain the same. We may think of technology just in terms of machines, but there are other technologies that exist as well, such as art or music. Some may say that with the new technology, we just sit back and let the machine do the work for us. That is not the case considering every technology requires us to do a certain amount of manual work. Even the computer has our fingers quickly typing on a keyboard. Competition allows us to see the rivalry between the old and the new. This rivalry shouldn't be thought of as destructive, because with it we are able to remediate technology and create something even better. "The old" shouldn't always be the good guy. There are great ideas associated with "the new" as well. The new type of hypermediacy isn't simply shown to you in the form of A+B=C. You sometimes may have to focus in and truly pay attention to what you are looking at.

Are you afraid of writing?

I can definitely say I am afraid of writing. I sometimes fear that my arguments aren't strong enough or my point will not get across to the reader. You have a big responsibility as a writer; you must captivate your readers attention. If you bore your readers, they will simply put down the paper. They don't owe you anything. You owe them something because they are taking time out of their busy day to read your work.

I take writing seriously, but not as seriously as Jacques Derrida. I don't have nightmares about being a cruel or evil person. In my opinion, writing should not be something that keeps you up all night with sweats. That is not to say you should take it lightly either. You must find that happy medium, and that medium may be different for each writer. I am able to write well without driving myself crazy, but others might need to stress themselves out in order to get one sentence down on paper. For Derrida, I believe his anxiety was a huge part of his writing. He was so accustomed to it that he might not have been an excellent writer without it.

Closer Prezi

http://prezi.com/ql434kcqvwfo/edit/?auth_key=ochib3s&follow=jenwenat10@aol.com

Is writing a technology?

I'm not so sure writing is a technology, but I would have to say that technology influences our writing greatly. It gives us the ability to sit at a computer screen and edit our thinking as much as we would like. It is extremely easy for us to press the backspace button on our keyboard. If I was only able to use a pen and paper to write, I don't think I would sit there critiquing my words as carefully. It is somewhat of a hassle to start crossing out words on paper. Plus, it simply looks messy and unprofessional. It is much more difficult for me to read my notes from my notebook than those typed up on my computer.
Technology expands our thinking because there is an abundance of information online that is waiting to be browsed upon. While we browse the internet, we discover new ideas and facts that we were previously unaware of. Those innovative ideas make our brains start to turn even more. I believe that as long as we have technology, there will be no limit to our thinking; it will be perpetual.

FFW "True Confessions"

In chapter six, Trimble exhorts writers to pay attention to several types of diction. The recommendation that caught my eye was concerning conciseness. After reading this chapter, I realize that many times I write with the idea in my head that the more adjectives I have, the better the piece will be. Although adjectives can be very useful in writing, it is trivial to use two similar adjectives to describe the same thing. I always thought that by adding decorative adjectives, my writing would somehow sound more sophisticated. I realize now that I probably sound repetitive and my writing would be much clearer if I made it more succinct. I think that the reason many people believe that they should write as much as possible is because in school, we are sometimes given a certain amount we must write. But the truth is, it's not about how much you write. It is about the quality of your writing. A one paragraph argument could be even more convincing than a four paragraph argument. As Trimble says, there shouldn't be words in sentences that have little importance. Every word should be powerful in its own way. I also think that my writing could be more direct; I should not be beating around the bush. By doing so, I may confuse my reader and they will not want to keep reading. The idea is to enthrall the reader, not confuse them or bore them. If you are very direct, your point will be grasped much easier. I need to work on figuring out what my main argument is and presenting it in a straight-forward fashion.

FFW 9/16

A caffeinated glimpse into my writing process

Just as the man in the video has different things that motivate him to write, I too have something that helps my brain work at its finest. I sit at my computer eating a chocolate bar, trying my very best to keep focused on the screen. All I can think about is how great the chocolate tastes until I realize it is simply not enough caffeine. I am in desperate need of a hazelnut iced coffee. I jump into my black Nissan Altima and head to Starbucks. As I am excitedly driving and listening to the radio, thoughts regarding my paper start to pop into my head. I always keep a pen and notepad handy to jot down my ideas. Once I get my ice coffee in hand and take a sip, I think to myself "this is truly what I need to get my paper going on the right track." The coffee is now finished and as I am hyped up on caffeine, I begin to write my paper. My fingers hit the keyboard as fast as possible and I can not contain all the energy in my body. I do majority of my writing while I'm caffeinated, and once the rush is over, I settle down and begin to edit my paper. I tend to do a ton of revising since my first draft is usually all over the place. That's what caffeine will do to you. But to me, it is a deliciously addicting drug that motivates me to start writing.

Observation on Snicker Commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pnjtxfIJDE

In the beginning of this commercial, we watch as an african american woman sits grumpily in the back seat of a car complaining to her three guy friends about how warm it is. One of her friends tells her that whenever she's hungry she turns into a diva, so she hands her a snickers bar. As soon as the snicker bar is bitten into, we see that the woman is truly a man named Jeff. He had previously been a different person because according to snickers, "you're not you when you are hungry." This commercial is promoting how the delicious candy bar has extremely satisfying effects on an individual. They are attempting to make the claim that biting into a snickers bar can change your mood drastically. 

One of the main questions I have regarding this commercial is why the person complaining is a woman, specifically an African American woman.  Are they trying to depict women as dissatisfied and easily irritated? What makes a woman more likely to become agitated than a man? You could even take it a step further and question whether the commercial is racist or not. There shouldn’t be an underlying assumption that african american women are generally portrayed as divas. The commercial could have worked just as well if they had used the man in the beginning and in the end. It would have just as well shown how his mood changed from one extreme to the other. For some people, the commercial might not have been as comical, but it certainly unnecessary to characterize women or african americans in this manner.

Heineken commercial

In this Heineken commercial, we first watch as a woman guides her three friends through a party. She takes them to a seemingly empty room but behind a closed door there is an enormous closet filled with glamorous clothing and accessories. As most typical women would react, the four jump with excitement, not able to contain their enthusiasm. The next scene shows a man in the same house pulling his three friends into another large closet, but this closet contains something completely different. Inside, there is an abundance of Heineken beer overflowing on every shelf. The men react exactly the same; even the mannerisms are almost identical. Heineken is trying to show that this beer will provide great happiness to men, just as a room full of clothing makes a girl feel like the luckiest person in the world.

What is this commercial revealing about our society and gender differences? The way I see the commercial, it truly exposes the stereotypical community we live in. We are categorizing people by their gender, rather than by their own individual interests. Who said that women should be associated with clothing and men associated with beer?  There are many men that are the exception and are greatly concerned with their appearance. They too would love to walk into a closet full of fashionable clothing. There are also a significant amount of women who could not care less about the way they present themselves. Some of them would rather receive a box of beer for their birthday than a new pair of seven jeans.  

New commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwtmfeyTNV4

Questions for Heineken commercial

1. Is this commercial stereotypical?
2. What does this say about gender differences?
3. Who is this commercial targeted towards?
4. Is there a reason the women were shown before the men?
5. Why were there only attractive people shown?
6. Why are the men and women separated in the commercial?
7. Why are there the same amount of women and men?
8. Why is the setting of a commercial a party?
9. Why do they speak in German in the beginning?
10. What does this commercial communicate to us about our society?
11. How does beer relate to clothing?
12. Why is everyone dressed so nicely?

Questions for AT&T commercial

1. Why is there an annoying song playing in the background?
2. Why are the kids out there alone to begin with?
3. Does at&t really make you more secure out there in the big world?
4. Are there other service providers that have a better GPS system?
5. Is the GPS device truly that easy to maneuver?
6. Why do they choose fairy tale characters?
7. Why do they use kids in the commercial and not adults?
8. Why use the setting of a huge city?
9. Why does the day change to night so quickly?
10. Should we trust kids with technology?
11. Can the technology fail you?
12. How long does it take for the GPS to find service?

John Trimble makes the case that all writers are like warriors, defending claims and fortifying arguments. How do you respond to this trope, this figurative turn?


I strongly agree with Trimble's statement because when a writer composes a piece of writing, they are constantly looking to reinforce their point. They want the reader to fully believe in and support the claims they are making. As Trimble explains in his book, you can not write anything without having the reader in the back of your mind. Every time you write, you must think to yourself, how will the reader interpret this paragraph?


Warriors are continuously thinking about their enemies and how they will respond to their next attack. They must plan their next move carefully, just as a writer makes multiple drafts for the future. Also, warriors need to protect themselves from their enemies during war, while writers too need to watch their backs. Many people think that writers have a ton of freedom, because they can simply write whatever they feel is right. That is truly not the case, because every writer wants an audience. To make sure they are grasping the readers attention, they must present their arguments clearly and efficiently. They must make sure that they are presenting their argument well, because if it is not logical, the reader will fight back. The reader will begin to second guess the writer and they may simply put down the book. 

Observation of AT&T Commercial

In this at&t commercial, we watch as a young boy and girl try to find their way in a crowded city. The two seem to be wandering the streets aimlessly, gazing upon tall sky scrapers and an abundance of people. As soon as they realize they can use the GPS in their phone, their experience changes from nerve wracking to comforting. They are now skipping through the streets of the city, while their small prancing feet symbolize their happiness with the device they have just discovered.  At&t is trying to show that wherever you are in the world, you will not be alone. They will always be right along your side, guiding you in the correct direction. The company is also trying to promote easy accessibility, being that the children in the commercial are only about nine or ten years old.

Although technology has become an extremely powerful resource in the past decade, does it always ensure safety? Do we truly think it is okay for two young children to be roaming the streets of an enormous city simply because they have a cell phone in hand? Despite the fact cell phones have been very beneficial to our society, we must not forget that children are still children. They need to be watched over and cared for, not simply handed a phone and forgotten about. Children are growing up way too fast these days, and being placed in the dangerous world we live in. It may be hard to believe that someone would want to hurt a child, but there are always going to be malicious people in the world. The GPS is not going to be able to do anything for a child in the case of a true emergency.  

Observation of Pantene Commercial

The pantene commercial traces a deaf young woman as she struggles as a musician. A man in the commercial assists the girl by explaining to her that there are all different ways to experience music and she should be able to feel it within her body. It is about utilizing the things you do have in front of you. For example, people who are blind and have no visual means are only able to experience art verbally.  At the very end of the commercial, right before the pantene logo comes up, a bright light appears. It looks as if a beaming sun is trying to shine through the screen. To many people, a bright light signifies hope, optimism, and happiness. When the sun comes out to shine on a beautiful day, people's mood tend to become more joyous. 

Pantene is trying to show that by using their hair products, you too will be able to glow and sparkle. This idea seems to be very superficial, because in reality what does your hair say about who you are as a person? What is it going to reveal about your personality or your values? Although it is a foreign commercial, it is portraying our society as extremely shallow. We tend to place great emphasis on trivial matters such as hair texture or the way our hair is styled. There are many people that think that by having a certain physical appearance, they will be socially accepted and better off in society. It is certainly true that at the end of the commercial the deaf girl shined beautifully, but it was not the hair products that made her do so. 

So here I am at Hofstra and I am blogging.  Writing online makes me feel like I have a ton of information at the tip of my very fingers. The internet has become a powerful piece of technology that we probably take for granted sometimes. We don’t realize the effects it has on our every day lives. Whether or not these effects are beneficial is the real question. 

There is the social aspect of the internet, which includes facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. Without these websites, how would we be able to connect with our friends? We would not be able to “stalk” peoples pictures, “like” their photos, or simply see what they’re up to for the day. This is the world we live in. Everything is shared; there is no privacy. Sometimes I feel like it may be too much information that is available. These days, you can type someones name in google and you could find out where they live, their marriage status, and how old they are. You may even find a picture of them. I’m pretty sure there a lot of people that are unhappy with that aspect of the internet. To be honest, I don’t really enjoy going on my facebook to see people making a new status every hour. I don’t care to know what you are doing every second of your day. It’s simply unnecessary. Yes, I post pictures and keep up with my friends, but I think there is some sort of line that shouldn’t be crossed.

Let’s be real for a second, years ago there was no internet. There were no blogging websites or facebook pages to keep up with. My parents did just fine without it, and sometimes I wonder how different my life would be without it. There would definitely be a ton of pros and cons. I would be able to focus on my school work more because I wouldn’t be sitting on IChat talking to my friends 24/7. Sometimes I wonder if the internet is a real addiction. It is extremely difficult for me to remain focused on my studies when there is a ton of information waiting to be browsed through. On the other hand, how difficult would writing a paper be without the internet? I would actually have to get off my chair, get dressed, and drive to the library. The internet is brilliant in that sense. You can type any question or keyword into google, and there will be hundreds of responses within seconds. You can read up on almost any subject you would like. Google is simply brilliant. 

As I sit here blogging, I’m thinking about checking my e-mails, reading my text messages, and browsing the internet. It is such a huge part of my every day life, but maybe I should get outside and actually do something today. After all, it’s beautiful outside and twenty years ago, I wouldn’t have the option of sitting here to type away at my laptop.